30.4.07

A real weekend

This might be hard to believe, but I didn't do any work at all this weekend. And I was definitely OK with that. This is a good step in my workaholism.

What did I do instead? Read other books, watch a few films (one of which, though it raises a lot of cool conversation topics, is way too sexually explicit to use in the classroom), sit in on the Sunday School class, go to sorority meetings... so it's not like I didn't have anything to do.

I like this actually having a weekend. I could get used to it.

24.4.07

Canon issues

While eeeh I don't study American (i.e. US) literature, I really appreciated this article that proposes that *gasp* women writers shouldn't be in the canon for diversity's sake (and I would extend that argument to other minority group writers as well) but rather, because, well, they're good. Given that I've spent the better part of the past two years reading a bunch of (mostly) dead, (debatably) white men's work, and that one of my exam questions had to do with women in the canon in MY AREA(!!), this really touched close to home. Don't read women because they're women. Read women , or men for that matter, because what they write is worth reading.

23.4.07

Writer's Block, Spring Semester Edition

I can't believe it.

I have an outline. I have re-read the novel. I have indicated quotes that will support my arguments, combed through secondary materials and possible theoretical frameworks - and have useful quotes pulled out from those, too. Have I mentioned I have an outline!?

And I can't write a sentence that makes any sense.

I have until next Monday. I need 4000 words, more or less. I have it all thought out in my head, it's all up there! I just can't articulate it. I have spent the greater part of today sitting in front of my computer, outline printout on the desk in front of me, and writing, re-writing, and deleting possible ways to begin writing.

I am hoping for a better writing day tomorrow, because today wasn't it. Though my most productive time is the late evening (9 PM and later) so maybe the day won't be a loss. Wait, someone wants me to publish something. That's good. But it's been overshadowed by my complete inability to write anything today.

20.4.07

There are still 4 rational people on the SCOTUS

My hero of the moment is Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Read her dissent on the terrible, horrible, and unjust Supereme Court decision here. I've excerpted some particularly notable passages. All emphases are mine.
Today's decision is alarming. It refuses to take Casey and Stenberg seriously. It tolerates, indeed applauds, federal intervention to ban nationwide a procedure found necessary and proper in certain cases by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). It blurs the line, firmly drawn in Casey, between previability and postviability abortions. And, for the first time since Roe, the Court blesses a prohibition with no exception safeguarding a woman's health.
Because, of course, the woman's life (and potential future fertility) is not nearly as important as that of a fetus before or after viability.
Thus, legal challenges to undue restrictions on abortion procedures do not seek to vindicate some generalized notion of privacy; rather, they center on a woman's autonomy to determine her life's course, and thus to enjoy equal citizenship stature.
She also takes down the "medical" evidence that Congress based their law upon, which ignored mainstream medical views and opinions on the issue.

While discussing that "the statute was not designed to protect the lives or health of pregnant women" and the various procedures that Congress did not ban, she notes that
Never mind that the procedures deemed acceptable might put a woman's health at greater risk.
I especially appreciate her pointing out clearly that the Roberts court has ignored the Supreme Court's own precedence, and in their rush to define their own morality, "overrides fundamental rights." Because, of course, women don't really have the same rights as men - because we have to carry children within our own bodies, we and our chosen doctors evidentally don't know enough to make the best decision given each individual's situation.
In sum, the notion that the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act furthers any legitimate governmental interest is, quite simply, irrational. The Court's defense of the statute provides no saving explanation. In candor, the Act, and the Court's defense of it, cannot be understood as anything other than an effort to chip away at a right declared again and again by this Court - and with increasing comprehension of its centrality to women's lives.
Thank you, Ruth Bader Ginsburg. You are currently one of my heroes.

I was infuriated this morning when I heard someone on the Diane Rehm show's Friday News Roundup say that people who oppose the ban are on the "fringes of society." I guess that puts me on the fringe, but the idea that legislators, still a majority of old white men, know better what medical procedures are legitimate and the best choices than women and their doctors, makes me want to wretch. It's almost as frustrating as the possibility of getting a gynecological appointment at the Health Center here. I've been trying for over a month, and they never have anything available. I just want to pull my hair out. Way to help women maintain their reproductive health!

17.4.07

identity musings

Given how much I love reading, it’s interesting that I don’t really like writing fiction very much, or lyric anything. I’ve been thinking of this because in a class today we were talking about artistic literary creation and the professor has really encouraged us to think of ourselves as writers as opposed to just students who write essays. When I was younger (meaning before college), I wrote stories, poems, and even though about writing several novels. Since I started college, I’ve left that behind. I like writing essays. Maybe one day I’ll write stories again. And I think I have a feeling as to why I prefer essays. It’s not that essays aren’t personal – even relatively dry academic ones say things about their authors – but I like them because they give me an illusion of anonymity. Yes, I write, and in writing I expose myself. But I feel as if non-fiction essays are much less exposing than novels, stories, poems, even though I love reading fiction as well. I’m terrified of the idea that someone might read something I wrote and think it is horrible. Even though I’m pretty straight-forward, I hate the idea of letting strangers read very personal things, because I feel like my imagination says more about me than the essay topics I choose to pursue. The one essay that I’ve written in the past few years that is incredibly personal is one that I wrote that deals with saying goodbye, and I wouldn’t be comfortable knowing that anyone but those closest to me had read it. Part of me wants to be known as a writer as well as an academic, but a larger part wants anonymity. I’m not a diva, nor am I a hero.

In unrelated musings, I find myself worrying about what happened at Tech. It’s kind of silly, because it’s very unlikely that I would have to deal with a similar situation. But every time I heard a door while I was teaching this morning, I worried. I teach on the third floor of a building. The classroom has one table that can move, which isn’t very sturdy. The desks are bolted to the ground and can’t be moved. I don’t know if you can survive a jump from the windows, because you would land in the concrete outside the basement windows, or maybe in the courtyard with grass and trees but you are still exposed to windows in the hallways. I heard about one professor (Liviu Librescu?) who stood in the door to protect his students. I suppose I am selfish, but I don’t think I would be able to do something similar. I care for my students, but I don’t want to die. Does that make me a bad teacher?

16.4.07

a generally not good day for the world

There has been much said and repeated about the Virginia Tech massacre, and let's just say it is sad. And wow it would be great if people would name the exact school first so that everyone I know doesn't freak out. For example, when Chilean and Argentine press just say "at a university in the US," my husband, in-laws, and friends kinda freaked out. Just a thought.

I took the plunge today. It looks nice, though it gets wavier as the day goes on. I'll figure out how to deal with that.

My mother-in-law got attacked and robbed on her way home from work today. I'm worried, I admit it. She's fine but she's really upset about her stuff and she's shaken, as to be expected. I just worry because S has to walk by the same bridge on his way home. What is the flaites are back? I won't be calm until he is home safely.

14.4.07

beneath a phrygian sky

I am having a difficult time concentrating on the novel I am re-reading, the one that is the subject of the only essay standing between me and my degree. It doesn't help that my sister made me enormously jealous because someone bought her tickets to see Loreena McKennitt in concert (I swear, she's the only musical artist we both like). I was listening through her newest CD today, An Ancient Muse. Now, I don't know that I can pick a favorite among all her other CDs, but there are certain tracks I love. Like "Cé Hé Mise Le Ulaingt? / The Two Trees" and "Full Circle" from The Mask and the Mirror, "Dante's Prayer" from The Book of Secrets, "The Old Ways" from The Visit, and "Ancient Pines" from Parallel Dreams. I'll have to listen through the album a few more times, but the following lyric really spoke to me, particularly the line refering to God that says "We travelled the wide oceans / Heard many call your name / With sword and gun and hatred / It all seemed much the same." So here you have it, my affinity for poetry leaning towards the musical, as ever.

BENEATH A PHRYGIAN SKY
(Loreena McKennitt)

The moonlight it was dancing
On the waves, out on the sea
The stars of heaven hovered
In a shimmering galaxy

A voice from down the ages
So in haunting in its song
These ancient stones will tell us
Our love must make us strong

The breeze it wrapped around me
As I stood there on the shore
And listened to this voice
Like I never heard before

Our battles they may find us
No choice may ours to be
But hold the banner proudly
The truth will set us free

My mind was called across the years
Of rages and of strife
Of all the human misery
And all the waste of life

We wondered where our God was
In the face of so much pain
I looked up to the stars above
To find you once again

We travelled the wide oceans
Heard many call your name
With sword and gun and hatred
It all seemed much the same

Some used your name for glory
Some used it for their gain
Yet when liberty lay wanting
No lives were lost in vain

Is it not our place to wonder
As the sky does weep with tears
And all the living creatures
Look on with mortal fear

It is ours to hold the banner
Is ours to hold it long
It is ours to carry forward
Our love must make us strong

And as the warm wind carried
Its song into the night
I closed my eyes and tarried
Until the morning light

As the last star it shimmered
And the new sun’s day gave birth
It was in this magic moment
Came this prayer for mother earth

The moonlight it was dancing
On the waves, out on the sea
The stars of heaven hovered
In a shimmering galaxy

A voice from down the ages
So in haunting in its song
The ancient stones will tell us
Our love will make us strong

11.4.07

Happy

I am super excited about the fall, mostly because I get to teach a super cool awesome class. It's going to be awesome. That's all I'll say for now.

I am so ready for it to get warmer again. It's not supposed to be so cold mid-April. Though, B: look! It snowed the day after your birthday! Some things never change.

9.4.07

As the green blade riseth [...and the frost killeth thy bloom...]

Happy Easter yesterday.

I had a delightful weekend visiting family for Easter (I like this family tradition quite a bit...) My parents, siblings, and I all descended on an obliging uncle's home, played with and perhaps spoiled a bit their children, and remembered what it is like to have time to spend with family. It was really very nice. Unfortunately, it was also very cold, and some people were suffering from various respiratory issues, be they due to flowering trees or elementary school colds.

When I think about Easter church, it is always kind of odd - I am always away from my "home" parish for Easter and Christmas, because I am with my family. This year was even more different from those of the past - only my mother, brother, and I went to church on Easter morning. We found a small Episcopal church near my uncle's house, and I really enjoyed it. Despite the lack of giant hats, it brought back memories from going to church in the South when I was younger. Even though they did "Hail thee festival day" as the processional as opposed to "Jesus Christ is risen today" (which is what I have been more used to), I always get tears in my eyes. I also love that the entire congregation sang the Hallelujah Chorus. In four part harmony. And didn't sing during the rests. It was a very good experience. My brother commented (he's been going to Catholic masses) that it was neat to come back and know all the music. The only thing that we sang that I hadn't sung before (but that I knew anyways, what with playing organ and going through my hymnal and all) was As the green blade riseth... oh, Easter and your spring connotations.

That said, I feel like Lent wasn't really very Lent-y for me this year. I was so preoccupied with school and stress about that and my husband living so very far away that I feel like February and March were quite, um, non-spiritual for me. So one of my goals for next year is to not let school take over my life quite so much - even though I've spent a lot of time alone, it hasn't been "me" time very much. With any luck, next year I can have more "me" time as well as more "we" time. :-)

And my two younger cousins are ADORABLE. I've said it before and I'll say it again, they are some of my favorite kids around.

4.4.07

gendered speech

This is kinda random but... so I was listening to a Harry Potter podcast earlier in the week (I know, I'm a huge dork) and I was really surprised at what I heard. Of all of the people participating, one was a woman, and she got interrupted all the time! I remember a few years back reading about female and male conversation patterns and something to the effect that women are more passive in conversation on the whole. Let me just say that this woman fit that mold... she allowed herself to be interrupted almost continually and usually only had the chance to speak when someone asked her a pointed question. This irritated me no end.

I know one of my faults is a tendency to interrupt people, and every time I hear myself doing it I wince because I feel like it's not very polite or a good thing to do. However, especially in male dominated groups, if I don't interrupt or "step on" the back of someone else's sentence, I'll never have a chance to say anything. And anyone who knows me knows that I have lots to say about just about everything. But why do I then feel badly when I realize I am interrupting, when I hear podcasts like this one where all the guys kept interrupting eachother to expound their favorite theories, and the one female participant hardly got a word in edgewise? Maybe my guilt about it is also gendered. But if I have to choose between being good and feminine and not interrupting OR saying what I want to say and being heard, my choice isn't particularly difficult.

1.4.07

Palm Sunday

I finished the Harry Potter series again... I can't wait for the seventh one in July. I actually arranged for a reserve copy today. Until then, I'm sure I'll be reading lots of other fun things. I have a lot of interesting and disparate bits and pieces lying around that I want to get to... I just have to figure out how, when, etc.

I'm feeling very good on the schoolwork front, it's exciting to dive back into the topics I am most interested in again.

Next Sunday is Easter! I am very, very excited. I love Easter. It is my most favorite holiday of the year, even better than Christmas. And Easter gets even better because I always get to see my family.