oh, i was such a youth chorister

There were some kids in front of me in church this morning. And by kids, I mean maybe between the ages of 8 and 11. They were adorable.

So when I was walking to church this morning I ran into someone from work. This person was saying, well yes we all need [breakfast food], and when I said I was going to church, they looked at me like I was crazy. Then I felt the need to justify the fact that I was going to church because I do, not because something makes me. It was odd. I don't owe this person an explanation. Yeah, odd.

I had a hard time paying attention during the sermon. Whoops.

I realized that I am not really as far south as some people act like we are. At Easter, at a good Southern church, the whole congregation sang Handel's Hallelujah Chorus with good diction, in four part harmony, and without singing in the rests. I contrast that with this morning, when for the recessional we sang the words to a hymn with a different tune than that written. This was noted in the program. It was a fairly well-known tune (like, people should have been able to sing it without it in front of them). Alas, it was not to be. I was definitely the only person in my quarter or so of the congregation singing, and everyone else was very confused. Puf. We need some church music education, people. I felt like I was in the choir again - trying to gently lead everyone else along.

On a different note - last night was awesome. Relatives stopped by on their way to a different vacation destination - we ordered in pizza and sat around chatting. It was great. They are awesome. In fact, it made my weekend. Woohoo!

musings on government and july

Hey, at least the press is calling the Bush Administration on their, um, crap. From the New York Times:

Last week, in a bit of especially mendacious spin, Tony Fratto, the White House deputy press secretary, responded to the subpoenas on the illegal wiretapping by saying, “It’s unfortunate that Congressional Democrats continue to choose the route of confrontation.”

Actually, Mr. Bush chose that route long ago by defining consultation as a chance for lawmakers to hear about decisions he had already made, bipartisanship as a chance for Democrats to join Republicans in rubber-stamping those choices and Congressional oversight as self-serving and possibly seditious. At this point, confrontation is far preferable to the path the Republican majority in Congress chose for so many years — capitulation.

So true, so true. Now if only the Democratic Congress would actually, like, take action.

And since it is July 1 - today in church they carried in the flag and everything, and the recessional was "My country 'tis of thee." I realized, we only ever sang the first verse at school. It doesn't really get religious until verse four. But I was thinking, how odd it must feel for a non-American citizen to go to church this weekend, only to be surrounded by people singing national songs. In Chile near September 18th they didn't sing patriotic songs in church. That said, I did like singing it because it just felt right. But that doesn't mean that it would feel right for everyone. Thoughts?

My country tis of thee,
Sweet land of liberty,
Of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died!
Land of the Pilgrim's pride!
From every mountain side,
Let freedom ring!

My native country, thee,
Land of the noble free,
Thy name I love.
I love thy rocks and rills,
Thy woods and templed hills;
My heart with rapture fills
Like that above.

Let music swell the breeze,
And ring from all the trees
Sweet freedom's song.
Let mortal tongues awake;
Let all that breathe partake;
Let rocks their silence break,
The sound prolong.

Our father's God to, Thee,
Author of liberty,
To Thee we sing.
Long may our land be bright
With freedom's holy light;
Protect us by Thy might,
Great God, our King!

Some blog posts on the topic here and here.

As the green blade riseth [...and the frost killeth thy bloom...]

Happy Easter yesterday.

I had a delightful weekend visiting family for Easter (I like this family tradition quite a bit...) My parents, siblings, and I all descended on an obliging uncle's home, played with and perhaps spoiled a bit their children, and remembered what it is like to have time to spend with family. It was really very nice. Unfortunately, it was also very cold, and some people were suffering from various respiratory issues, be they due to flowering trees or elementary school colds.

When I think about Easter church, it is always kind of odd - I am always away from my "home" parish for Easter and Christmas, because I am with my family. This year was even more different from those of the past - only my mother, brother, and I went to church on Easter morning. We found a small Episcopal church near my uncle's house, and I really enjoyed it. Despite the lack of giant hats, it brought back memories from going to church in the South when I was younger. Even though they did "Hail thee festival day" as the processional as opposed to "Jesus Christ is risen today" (which is what I have been more used to), I always get tears in my eyes. I also love that the entire congregation sang the Hallelujah Chorus. In four part harmony. And didn't sing during the rests. It was a very good experience. My brother commented (he's been going to Catholic masses) that it was neat to come back and know all the music. The only thing that we sang that I hadn't sung before (but that I knew anyways, what with playing organ and going through my hymnal and all) was As the green blade riseth... oh, Easter and your spring connotations.

That said, I feel like Lent wasn't really very Lent-y for me this year. I was so preoccupied with school and stress about that and my husband living so very far away that I feel like February and March were quite, um, non-spiritual for me. So one of my goals for next year is to not let school take over my life quite so much - even though I've spent a lot of time alone, it hasn't been "me" time very much. With any luck, next year I can have more "me" time as well as more "we" time. :-)

And my two younger cousins are ADORABLE. I've said it before and I'll say it again, they are some of my favorite kids around.

At least I'm not dreaming about it

Oddly enough, and despite my minor freak-out last night, I was really productive today. And I haven't freaked out at all.

Last night, when S and I got off the phone I wasn't sleepy, so I was doing some more reading in giant Cambridge History of X Literature, when I found myself distracted at the thought of how my oral exams are going to be. Now, I definitely have professors that I would really like to have on my panel, and some that I would rather not have. I have no say in the matter - it is entirely up to scheduling coincidence. So instead of imagining how people might be on my committee, I was thinking about who would come to watch my oral defense - I know a few of my friends want to come to support me, which is so sweet of them. But then I was thinking of the whole process - once you finish, you and the observers leave and wait outside while the professors inside confer, and then they call the test taker back in to tell you your results. I was imagining how I might react if I don't pass everything. I mean, I should, but still. I don't want to cry in front of people! But I am horrible at not crying when I want to cry. So I had a minor freak out and I admit, tears were shed. At that point I decided that reading about poetic movements of the 20th century wasn't doing it for me and turned off the light to listen to the BBC. To my knowledge, I didn't have any dreams about the exams... at least, not any that I remember.

So this morning, I dragged myself out of bed (Aside: why, o why, does the NPR station I have on my bedroom radio have such a weird Saturday morning schedule? The station I have the radio tuned to in the living room has Weekend Edition, Car Talk, Whaddya Know, and Classical Music. The one in my room has Weekend Edition really early in the morning, that is, before I wake up, then a rebroadcast of the Diane Rehm (Sp?) show, which I can't stand, followed by This American Life, which I also tend not to like. Ugh. But they have the BBC at night! Their saving grace... maybe I should just get up earlier on the weekends.) and did work. I made it all the way though the Cambridge History, I cleaned the apartment (tile floors included, as well as breaking out the pink spring tablecloth!), and I now feel 1000% better about the time period I am most worried about. It's amazing what one day's concerted studying can do.

I'm hoping for big things tomorrow, as well. I'm off to church in the morning - I hope - even though bad weather has kept me home the last few weeks. I've also decided that, even though I can't properly do anything Lenten until this horrible horrible experience of exams is over, I am going to try to go to the Wednesday noon organ recitals and evening service with meal, as a way to clear my mind and focus my energy. We will see if I follow through on that... I find myself WANTING to do things at church, but the timing is off, or I have to walk a bit too far (it is a good 25-30 minute walk from my house). But I need something to get me out of the house and away from worrying or obsessively reviewing, useful though those other activities can be. That is what all of the other days of the week are for.

Sunday morning in February = cold fingers

My brain feels fuzzy this afternoon. It's not a pleasant feeling. I think it has to do with the coffee I drank this morning.

I taught Sunday School today :-) It went quite well. We had a good discussion, and I think the kids appreciated it. Plus I like being at church, once I walk all the way there. It's a bit chilly on Sunday mornings in February, though.

S just left to go to work tonight. It's kind of silly, but I miss him more when he just leaves. I actually sort of want to try. That might be somewhat associated with the brain fuzziness. May can't come soon enough. I've actually been fantasizing about when he gets his green card and moves up here permanently. I can't wait for that moment. That makes me want to cry, too. Marriage is much cooler when you actually live in the same hemisphere as your spouse. I imagine that the same state, nay the same city, would be heavenly.